Why is love so difficult

That fear may stem from having been hurt before and not wanting to repeat your mistakes, according to licensed clinical psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. LeslieBeth Wish. Wish previously explained. As sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr previously told Elite Daily, "From the wondering, dreaming, thinking about 'what ifs' or 'what should have beens' with an ex, still being connected with them takes emotional energy — and that is energy that cannot go to a current partner.

Maybe all your friends are in relationships. Constantly scanning rooms and browsing apps for new dating prospects can make single life less fun. Are you going on tons of dates that never seem to go anywhere? Changing who you are attracted to comes from self work , self awareness, and self acceptance. When you value yourself enough, you will be turned off by anything or anyone who is not respecting you or serving your needs.

But going to therapy and bolstering your sense of self worth can make it less scary to put yourself out there. Josh Klapow told Elite Daily. You sacrifice you, and you cannot be fully present for someone else.

So, we reel them in, and we are thrilled. Of course, this isn't true — these people just had a Band-Aid on a carcinoma. Whether that involves reading self-help books, meeting with a counselor, or chatting to a trusted friend. It will, no doubt, stand you in good stead for a successful future relationship. We live in a world where there are far too many distractions. During her research on habits and personalities for her book, The Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin noticed a trend: that people are often attracted to individuals who will later drive them crazy.

It could be exciting be swept off your feet by somebody who feels very free and not confined. Yet, Rubin found that, over time, this novelty may wear off and these two different approaches can come into conflict. While common interests may bring you together initially, clashing values will drive you apart in the long run. Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University, met with a number of mature Americans while writing his book, 30 Lessons for Loving.

Almost all of his interviewees suggested having a blunt discussion with your partner about core values before even thinking about marriage. Stop believing this person should be different than they are and choose to love them because love always feels better. One last thing to remember.

We can only love them for the good we choose to see. The one choice you do have is how you respond when you are around them. You get to choose how you want to feel about yourself and your daughter. I have a couple of other articles you might find helpful to read. That is, we are all doing the best we can and if I keep that in mind, I can be more forgiving.

There are a couple family relationships right now I have to keep turning over to God in prayer. This also changes my feelings and reactions toward that person and I can choose to love instead of harboring a grudge. Turning them over to God can be a powerful way to learn what love is really about. Thanks for the comment, Penelope!

So good Lori! SO many good things… I loved what you said at the end about wishing other people were different. Thank you Janeen! Your right- no need to get frustrating trying to change someone. Loved your contribution! Being one that is difficult to love one thing to consider is their ability to trust or identifying what created the distrust.

I am not saying I am unloveable by any means but I do have issues with identifying healthy boundaries so I do not become overly vulnerable.

Those that I have successfully come to learn to trust and love are those willing to be patient and be okay with where that relationship is at that time. Eventually they will come out a bit further and be able to see themselves in a new light. Try not to get frustrated sometimes you need to take two steps back before proceeding further. Great thoughts! I have to decide again and again to approach this person with love and giving the benefit of the doubt along with several other strategies mentioned here.

So that is a good thing for me to keep in mind. Your email address will not be published. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. I love sharing and am always grateful when you share! Keep in mind that all images and text on this site are the property of Choosing Wisdom. If you use one of my graphics, be so kind as to provide a link back to my original post. Please do not remove the logo, crop, or edit any image without first obtaining written permission.

Pinning is always welcome and appreciated! Lori Jackson. Share on facebook. Share on pinterest. Share on linkedin. Share on pocket. Share on twitter. Share on email. Janeen Alley Vibrant Wellness We all have opportunities to love others who are difficult. It really is. I know I can decide to love instead.